"I'm Tired"

In High School and College, this was my response to most "how you doing?"  It wasn't an accurate response, most of the time.  I think this response is still pretty normal in culture, because of how much honor we get or feel for our 'busy-ness.'  I'm guilty of this one as well; one finger pointing out, three pointing back at me.

Now, we have so much change going on in our home, I actually am tired.  (Why am I so tired? Latest newsletter goes into details. Join our support team by emailing me...)

So, should I take massive time off to recoup?  Should I find a napping room mid-day?  More coffee? (this one is already taking place... bad question)

Most of this tiredness is the demand from Sarah and my responsibilities at home, classes, relationships.  I'm reminded of a quote from a friend:

"Get married: find out how selfish you are.Have kids: find out how really selfish you are.Parents move in with you: find out how really, really selfish you are."

Maybe that's not your experience, it's not fully mine yet (parents wouldn't exactly fit, unless they took up residence in the basement) - however it is a general idea of the seasons of life, the path the Lord wants me to follow.

The life surrendered to God includes this process I feel is going on right now:

"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Phil 2)

Friend (or random webbie) - I am not trying to attain this.  This is naturally taking it's course in my life the more I walk down this path of life.  Some could attribute it to some out-of-ordinary life decisions that we have made.  I attribute it to the leading of the Holy Spirit when I arrive at the crossroads of the out-of-ordinary and ordinary/normal life.

I am finding out how selfish I am.  I am seeing how much I serve me before others.  Part of this is being revealed to me simply through the lack of sleep.  As my flesh feels weak, I either allow it to take over and run me, or begin to rise, repent and respond.

These most recent changes in our lives, and the ones quickly coming soon are causing me to see that I am not quite the selfless person I want to be.  Grace: Jesus is exactly selfless.  The next verse in Phillippians 2 talks about His selflessness of being God, yet stepping down and becoming a man to accomplish what we could not: a completely selfless and sinless life.  He is my savior, has paid fully the price for my sin.  He is the one I look to...and as I do, I don't have to try to get this selfishness out, it just starts to happen.  I start to notice stupid things I do, and I can see how they need to change.

To Be Continued...