Breaking the [internet] silence about adoption

If you've been following with us, we were matched with a birth mom for private adoption about four weeks ago who was giving birth to twins.  She has two older children already, and wanted a family to adopt her twin boys that was up for the challenge.


So, she picked us as the adoptive parents, and we agreed to adopt the babies. And last Saturday we got a call that the babies were coming that same day via C-Section.  We scrambled to get home, called Sarah's mom to come and take care of our kids, and packed up the car for our journey to Florida to get our sons.


We were excited (check out my twitter account from last week...I was tweeting by the second).  We were prepping our hearts and home.  We cancelled my birthday date for the evening and took off.


About 30 minutes outside of Nashville (4.5 hrs driving) we got a call from the Lawyers' office working on the adoption process.  The birth mom changed her mind.  After seeing them, the birth mom decided to keep the babies.


Our stomachs sank.  Our spirits were saddened.  All our expectations...


We asked all the questions.  Did we do enough?  Did we not go fast enough?  What about the boys; how will they live?  Do we just turn around?  Are we out the money we've already spent?  Why?  Just, why?


Driving still, I decided that we should press on for a little to make it to our good friends David & Sarah's place south of Nashville to stay the night.  Emotionally, I was not ready to drive another 4.5 hrs back.  In our frustrated and saddened state, David & Sarah were still willing to let us stay.


While in this time, I've learned what is encouraging and empathetic to say to someone going through this.  We are to comfort those who mourn when a time like this comes; and we will be blessed with comfort when we mourn.  I can't think of a more unnatural state to be in than of avoiding the mourning of a thing like this.  The most encouraging and loving notes/calls we have received have been "we are with you; we are sad,"- quite simple.


I've taken this last week slow.  We've talked a lot in the evenings after the munchkins went to bed.  Most of our questions have been answered thanks to a great adoption consultant and the kind people at the Lawyers' office.


This was not the end of the road for us.  It isn't.  We believe there's all kinds of babies to be adopted.  And my son continues to interrupt meals to pray for "the two babies." (yes, we told him that they're not coming).  So even with these two little boys, it's not over.


Money, Heart, Emotions: it's all working out.  Taking our thoughts captive, praying a lot more together and allowing ourselves to be sad.


This makes me realize the vulnerability it takes to be an adoptive parent.  We did bear all...and those of you pondering adoption in the back of your brain, don't let this post to erase your thought due to the pain we feel.  The joy comes in the morning.  There will be a follow-up post to this in time.  Just you wait.


This is not the end of the road for us.